Success …the achieving of desired results, or someone or something that achieves positive results.
Cambridge Dictionary, 2020
All my life I have been striving for this concept of success. I am not sure if this is an innate drive to do well or whether it was something that I have picked up from others as a concept to be mastered in life… or maybe it is the mix of both.
Growing up the ambition to achieve success has been ever present and as an adult I have constantly been on a road to reach the ‘desired results’ quicker, faster and at times all out determination with levels of obsession that I wonder if are entirely normal.
Yet, if I am honest, every time a goal or target has been achieved, I feel that sense of ‘umm, very nice’ for a few precious moments but never experience that sense of ‘I did it, I got there, I am successful and now I can stop.’ I have always yearned for that to validate me, to suddenly give me confidence, a feeling of accomplishment, acceptance and perhaps the belief that I am good enough. That sense, feeling or belief has remained ever elusive.
As a child my parents never pushed me to excel, they only ever said ‘do your best.’ Sometimes I have wondered if it is that phrase that has kept me pushing through, persevering and showing grit and resilience no matter what adversity or challenge was put in front of me – always inwardly asking ‘is this your best?’ and stretching that bit further. I had the view that I could always do more, whether that meant working through the night or giving all of me that there was to give.. yet the reward never quite seemed to match the effort. Maybe there is something in that… maybe, pushing beyond reasonable bounds was just not work the sacrifices.
Don’t get me wrong, I am pleased with what I have achieved, I am grateful for the life I lead and more often than not, I have enjoyed the road to success … but it always feels like once the destination is in sight, there is another destination to journey towards… I guess, I never feel like I have arrived.
Throughout my life I have dedicated hours, days, weeks and probably even months to writing diaries and journals; and, now that I am semi-retired at 44 years old …. I want to question through this blog what success is, who it matters to, what it looks and feels like, how to get it and why it seems often out of our grasp. I will be sharing my adventures on my road to success, the crashes, near misses and the more enjoyable scenic routes that I have had the privilege to experience. I will be contemplating everything from psychology and mindset, health and well being, study and experience.
In time I will seek the thoughts and insights of others on their personal journeys to success… how they pursued their goals, what success meant to them, the barriers encountered en route and challenges overcome.
I will be looking at the practices that those on the their road to success use – maybe there learnings that we can all take to mitigate the risks that we may encounter on windy roads, where petrol stations seem a million miles away and we are running on an empty tank.
What would I like from you? Honest reflection, openness, sharing – and remember be kind… vulnerability requires trust in others… show respect even if presenting a differing opinion, insight, belief or consideration. We don’t have all the answers so let’s learn from each other.
So, when it comes to me the road wasn’t always smooth on the journey to success … I will be sharing that trip in future blogs as I try to unravel my own thinking and what I am struggling with internally to gain comfort in, because something feels amiss even if I am successful… though compared to others, who knows.
I grew up in England and now live in Auckland, New Zealand. I live with my husband Matt and my kids, Jack and Caitlin. I have been CEO of an Australasian business advisory and accounting firm, Managing Director of my own business – which I sold two years ago. I am now, at 44 semi-retired (struggling with that), consulting and coaching. An avid yogi and a yoga instructor. I have a beautiful life… I know it… but why if I know this, and for all the gratitude that I have, do I still have a constant feeling that I am not good enough, that I could do more, that I could strive higher, that I am failing, I am not being my best, that I let down others, that I am guilty, remorseful, a bad friend, wife, mother, boss, employee? Am I alone, is this the female condition or a universal condition?
So our quest begins, what is success and are we there yet?
Success today would be working out how to use WordPress!
